The cost of a Caribbean Island
The Caribbean was one of the first places I visited abroad. (The first was Toronto, Canada, but I don’t count that trip because I’ve been given honorary Canadian citizenship by the Happy Couple, eh.) But I loved it so much that I gave myself honorary Caribbean Island citizenship. It is all-encompassing and applies to every island regardless of the country to which each respective one belongs. I didn’t go so far as to create fictitious passports—that would be something a crazy person would do—but I have started wearing a conch-shell bra and a Rasta hat. The bra chafes, but the hat works well enough except when the temperature peaks above 75 F.
Guana Island, Tortola
Researching Caribbean islands both obscure and those inundated by the masses has become one of my travel-related past times. I’ve found many islands that are completely uninhabited and touched by man’s littering, territory-marking ways. I’ve read about several, but have visited only a few of these precious gems—one in the Dominican Republic and the other in Turks & Caicos. Visitors can get lost literally and figuratively, in the beauty, which is why head counts are of great importance for tour guides…but that’s another topic for another time.
Nicolas Cage likes the Caribbean so much, he bought one of these uninhabited islands, which is one of many reasons why he’s financially screwed. (According to a Huffington Post article, he also owns a couple mansions in New Orleans, a couple castles in Europe, multiple homes across the U.S. including in Las Vegas, Malibu, Rhode Island…the list goes on; paid half-a-million smackers for a Lamborghini owned by the Shah of Iran, etc. and blah di blah, blah.) No worries, Nick—knock out a couple more bad movies and you’ll be back in the game. (I digress, but only because I was in awe of the number of ostentatious purchases that came from one pocketbook.)
When my millions land in the bank, I probably won’t buy an island, but will strongly consider purchasing a significant chunk of one upon which I will perch a thatch hut—houses in the Caribbean don’t have a long life expectancy. My furnishings will include a hammock, one of those twitchy “Don’t worry, be happy” singing fish and a garden hose rigged for a shower. Until then, I am applying to become Johnny Depp’s groundskeeper for Little Halls Pond Cay, a 45-acre Bahamian island he purchased in 2004 for $3.6 million. I would comb his beach any day.
Little Halls Pond Cay—Johnny Depp's sizable sandbar
Bill Gates and Eddy Murphy also own islands because, well, because they can. At the rate the rich and famous are gobbling up islands, I’m surprised any are left for the native inhabitants and the bourgeois visitors.
But there are islands left—ones that beg to be explored and appreciated. I hear that call and will do my damnedest to comply. Oh, sweet Caribbean, I’m coming for you.
