Sobriety is overrated
My New Year’s Day hangover has affected me from the cranium, down. But, ’twas nothing a bit of Smart Water, grease and Advil couldn’t handle…
And as for resolutions, well, I find those pointless because they typically last about one week. Instead, I have a few goals I will achieve within the next year: find a job that I like sans asshole boss; eat more waffles slathered in peanut butter; learn to surf without wearing arm floaties; star alongside Jason Stathum in a smut movie; learn to speak French (aside from the epithets I already know, of course…e.g., merde); and invent the first airline seat with a shock mechanism to control kicking, screaming bratty children and adults with no travel etiquette.
Here is to a glorious new year!
