Ninja Assassin: Abs and weapons with Rain
I love all things ninja. Why this is, I have no idea. My parents didn’t ship me to a covert ninja camp at a Bhutan monastery when I was a child. Yet, I have a ninja outfit (official ninja speak) that I have worn on more than one occasion and am constantly looking for other excuses to wear it. I dream, eat and sleep in ninja. I own throwing stars and a cross bow. Granted, they are plastic and the crossbow shoots suction-cup darts, but those are silly technicalities.
When I heard about the movie Ninja Assassin, I waited with bated breath for its release. It was the fight scenes and the stealthy crawl of the ninja that I love. I watch. I learn, for I am a ninja in training…one that needs guidance beyond what “Ninja for Dummies” can offer. And I couldn’t have asked for a more comely teacher than the lead in Ninja Assassin. Rain is the actor who plays Raizo—bad ninja turned good after killing only a few people—and has officially become my new hunk crush for obvious reasons.
Rain was kind enough to take time out of his busy schedule to pose in my living room. Of course, I was happy to lend him a ninja-esque weapon to ensure the photo was authentic. We later compared six packs.
The gore and gratuitous violence was to be expected—the promo poster gave that away. Typically I cringe and watch through the slits in whichever hand is covering my face when heads are lopped off and blood gushes like Buckingham Fountain, but not so much in this movie. Probably because the blood was an unnatural shade of red…possibly a nice Sherwin Williams Fire Engine Red matte. The odd color wasn’t comforting by any means, but it wasn’t realistic either, which is why it was bearable to watch it spewing from necks.
Michele and I loved the movie, but Deutsch was less than thrilled, probably because the premise consisted of minimal plot with a focus on maximum shirtless Rain. And I was just fine with that. But it was a fun action flick with beautifully choreographed fight scenes. And what a concept—the actors actually had mad martial arts skills instead of the typical Hollywood-cut-and-paste-create-a-martial-artist software program used for those who’ve never thrown a kick other than when they’ve accidentally slipped on ice.
